“So pardon me while I burst
I’ve had enough of the world
and its people’s mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn
and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me…
I’ll never be the same!”
Pardon Me by Incubus
I’ve noticed a significant change in my attidtude lately. There’s one part of me that is much more antagonistic and harsh than I usually am. And then there’s this other part who is more willing to forgive and reconnect with people who I intentionally disassociated with out of anger or obligation to those they wronged.
And I’ve noticed that these conflicting sides apply to certain people. With some people, I’ve been less and less willing to overlook things they do that drive me crazy. I’ve been much more likely than normal to be rude, offensive or intentionally standoffish to them. Right now, I’m more likely to tell someone off if I don’t like them than I’ve ever been in my entire life.
It’s bothering me. I’m scared because I’m on the verge of burning some important bridges or destroying some friendships that I know I would regret losing. Maybe it’s because this is my last year at UO and I only want to spend my precious time the way I want to spend it. I know the reason is somehow rooted in selfishness (and perhaps a bit of laziness), and that it’s gonna somehow mess things up for me this year, but I almost feel as if I can’t help it.
Having said that, I’ve noticed that I’m connecting pretty well with an overwhelming majority of my old aquaintances… in fact, in many cases, I’ve turned some aquaintances into friends. I think I’m better at getting along with people I meet for the first time and I think I’m also better at being a resource for my friends instead of just being someone who takes up space when we hang out.