Dichotomy

I impact people’s lives.

I wish I were capable enough of a writer to express how reassured of my existence I feel because of this. Every comment I receive in which someone says to me “Thank you for this” or “I remember you because of this” or “I did this because of something you said/did or some way you made me feel” is life affirming to me.

My family does this for me on a regular basis. Listening to how much they miss me fuels me for the week. My friends, whenever they so much as express a desire to visit or see me, do this for me. I draw strength from their encouragement.

But this post is called dichotomy. And as such, it has two sides.

There are those who have been impacted by me, but my impact has not been positive. There are those who feel discomfort at my presence, and I wish I could say their feelings were not a direct impact of my actions, but that has not always been the case. There are those whom I have left for the worse. It’s not always intentional, but it leaves a lasting negative affect nonetheless, rendering my intent irrelevant.

Those people, as of late, have slipped my mind, causing me to neglect reflecting on the actions that led to my negative impact on them.

I believe you cannot live a meaningful life without leaving some damage in your wake, but I hope to appropriately regret the negative aspects of any exploits I undertake. And while I understand the value of not letting it have too much sway over my daily actions, I hope to learn the lessons that are needed to be learned from such exploits.

And I hope to realize that in the same stroke, my impact on people can build people up while tearing others down.

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